Last week was a tough week for me, and not because the Chargers moved to LA, though that was disheartening. It began with a doctor’s appointment that left me with a lot to process and digest, while my husband was out on a field exercise for the week. Add our beautiful toddler to the mix, and there wasn’t any downtime for me to actually process what was being told to me.
It was one of those times, where it would have been easy to fall apart, play the “why me” card, binge on junk food, and call it a day. Or week. Or even month. But I don’t allow myself wallowing time like that. I try to give myself a day or two, and move on.
But you know, sometimes, it takes more time. Sometimes, you already have so much on your plate, that adding that one more thing to worry about, stress about, or even just think about, leaves you a little off kilter. You find yourself thinking about things on a larger scale. You fall apart a little. You wonder how much more you can handle. How much more you can pile on and not break. You wonder how strong you actually are. And sometimes, just sometimes, your faith takes a hit. And after a week of trying to work yourself through this, you find a quote, a saying, a poem, a story, something, that puts your faith back to where it was.
My Nana has unwavering faith. I truly believe that she could move mountains. I asked her one time, how she could have such strong faith in times of trial and heartache. You know what she said to me?
“It never occurred to me to not have faith at those times. It’s actually at those times that my faith is even stronger.”
“Yes, but, what about those times that you already have so much going on, and one more thing gets piled on, and you wonder why God chose that moment to let those things happen to you? When you feel like you can’t handle one more thing, and that you’re about to break?” I asked.
She said, so simply, so effortlessly, and so humbly, “The Lord knows what He’s doing. It is not our place to question. Our place is to trust. To know that no matter what we think we can’t handle, He knows best.”
When I have weeks like this past week, it is easy to forget that there is someone all knowing, that knows what I am truly capable of, and how strong I actually am. Whether I believe it or know it at that time or not. I have to remember that only God knows what He has planned for my life, and I have to remember that He actually does have a plan for me. That it is not my place to question the when, where, and why of things that are going on in my life, rather, it is in those times that I need to stand tall, be brave, and have faith.